“First we make our habits, then our habits make us.”

— John Dryden

We all have habits. Some push us forward. Others quietly hold us back.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably had moments where you paused and wondered, Why do I keep doing that? Or maybe you’ve realized that a small, consistent choice—like morning walks or journaling—has created surprising momentum in your life. The truth is, our habits shape our days, and our days shape our lives. But we rarely stop long enough to ask: Are my habits helping me become who I want to be?

Let’s take a moment to do that together.

Why Habits Matter More Than We Think

Habits often work in the background. They don’t ask for permission—they just show up, day after day, slowly reinforcing who we are and what we prioritize.

When they’re helpful, they reduce stress, build confidence, and support our goals. When they’re harmful or outdated, they can quietly chip away at our energy, time, or self-worth.

That’s why the first step toward growth isn’t always about adding something new—it’s often about noticing what’s already there.

Step 1: 

Pause and Take Inventory

Start by taking a quiet moment to reflect on your typical day or week. Jot down the recurring actions or patterns—morning routines, work rhythms, eating habits, phone usage, social interactions.

Ask yourself:

• What are the first three things I do after I wake up?
• How do I typically respond to stress or boredom?
• What activities leave me feeling energized? What drains me?

It helps to carry a small notebook or use a notes app to log these over a few days. You’re not judging—just noticing.

Step 2: 

Spot the Helpful Habits

Look through your list and highlight the routines that align with the kind of life you want to build. These might be obvious or surprisingly small.

Here are a few examples:

• Making your bed first thing in the morning (signals order and momentum)
• Drinking a glass of water before coffee (prioritizes health)
• Setting your phone on “Do Not Disturb” while working (supports focus)
• Journaling or reflecting at the end of the day (builds self-awareness)
• 
  

Ask yourself:

Does this habit make me feel more grounded, energized, focused, or connected?

If the answer is yes, it’s a keeper.

Step 3: 

Recognize the Harmful or Unhelpful Habits

Now for the tougher part. Look at the habits that leave you feeling off track, anxious, or depleted. Be honest, but kind to yourself.

Some signs of unhelpful habits:

• Reaching for your phone first thing in the morning (starts the day reactive)
• Skipping meals or eating out of stress (ignores your body’s real needs)
• Putting off important tasks (feeds anxiety)
• Saying “yes” when you mean “no” (erodes boundaries and self-trust)

Don’t try to overhaul everything overnight. Awareness alone creates space for change.

Step 4: 

Choose One Habit to Change—And One to Strengthen

Here’s the magic: you only need to pick one habit in each category to focus on right now.

• To let go of: Maybe you decide to stop checking email before breakfast.

• To strengthen: Maybe you commit to a 10-minute walk after lunch.

Keep it small and realistic. Focus on consistency, not perfection.

Step 5: 

Design Your Environment to Support Change

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

So ask yourself:

• What’s in your physical space that encourages this habit? (e.g., a journal by your bed)
• What can be removed or rearranged to reduce friction? (e.g., delete social media apps for a week)

Our environments often drive behavior more than motivation does.

Step 6: 

Celebrate Progress, Not Just Outcomes

Every time you keep a helpful habit or avoid an unhelpful one, take a moment to acknowledge it. That’s how new neural pathways are formed. You’re reinforcing who you are becoming.

And when you miss a day? No guilt. Just return with grace. Progress beats perfection every time.

Final Thoughts: Your Habits Tell a Story

Your habits—both conscious and unconscious—are telling a story about what matters to you. If that story doesn’t match the one you want to live, you have the power to revise it.

Start today with a single, intentional choice. Let that choice grow into a habit. And let that habit pull you closer to the life you truly want.