“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

Modern life has a tempo—fast, focused, and always aimed at the next destination. From to-do lists and quarterly goals to productivity hacks and five-year plans, we are constantly being pulled toward achieving something. This approach, what philosopher Oliver Burkeman describes as the telic mindset, drives us to act with a purpose in mind. You work out to lose weight. You go to school to get a job. You write to get published. You do something to get somewhere else.

As someone who’s spent decades in the fields of personal development and leadership, I’ve seen the power of setting goals and moving toward them with purpose. I’ve also seen the burnout that comes when life becomes one long series of tasks to complete. Something essential gets lost.

That something is the atelic experience—doing something not to get somewhere else, but simply for the sake of the activity itself. Think about sitting quietly with someone you love. Taking a walk without tracking your steps. Playing with your dog. Watching the sunrise. These are not means to an end. They are the end.

Why Telic Alone Isn’t Enough

The telic mindset, by definition, delays gratification. It says: When I finish this, then I’ll feel better. But here’s the truth: the finish line keeps moving. If all your energy goes into chasing outcomes, you miss the present moment—and that’s the only place where life happens.

It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn (and relearn) myself. There were times in my life when I measured my worth by how much I got done. Productivity was the scoreboard. But then I’d find myself at the end of a busy week with little joy, little connection, and very little presence. I realized I was living for life, but not really in it.

On the other hand, an entirely atelic life—drifting without direction—can feel empty too. We need goals. We need structure and momentum. But we also need moments of stillness, play, spontaneity, and presence. The real art of living well comes from integrating both.

How to Balance Telic and Atelic Living

If you feel constantly driven, here are some practical ways to bring balance:

1. Pair Purpose with Presence

It’s okay to have a goal—just don’t miss the journey. Writing a book is a great example. You may want it published (telic), but if you only focus on the outcome, you’ll burn out. Take time to enjoy the process of writing, exploring ideas, and crafting sentences (atelic). That’s where the richness lies.

2. Schedule Unstructured Time

Not everything in your calendar needs to be optimized. Give yourself a block of time each week to be “unproductive.” No metrics. No deadlines. Just time to be human—reading for pleasure, doodling, walking, gardening, or daydreaming. These moments restore us.

3. Turn Routines into Rituals

So many of our daily activities can go either way. Is brushing your teeth just a task—or can it be a moment of mindfulness? Is making dinner a chore—or a chance to create something nourishing? With the right attention, even routine acts can become grounding rituals that reconnect us to the present.

4. Use Both Lenses in Reflection

Each week, reflect through both the telic and atelic lens. Ask:

• • What did I accomplish that moved me toward my goals? (Telic)

• • What moments did I savor or enjoy for their own sake? (Atelic)
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Both types of moments are valid. Celebrate them equally.

5. Practice Stillness

We’ve conditioned ourselves to always be doing something. The next time you have a few spare minutes, resist the urge to scroll your phone. Just sit. Look around. Listen. Feel the moment. Doing “nothing” may be the most important thing you do all day.

6. Be Present with People

Relationships are often our richest atelic experiences. Laughing with friends, listening deeply, or just sitting quietly with someone you love doesn’t “accomplish” anything—and yet, it means everything. Presence with others is a kind of success that doesn’t show up on a resume, but lasts a lifetime.

7. Redefine What Progress Means

Instead of only asking, Did I get it done?, also ask, Did I experience it fully? A hike isn’t only about reaching the summit. A conversation isn’t only about solving a problem. Real progress isn’t just about what you finished—it’s about what you felt, learned, and lived along the way.

The Sweet Spot of Fulfillment

Balancing telic and atelic living isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about honoring both. Goals give our days direction. Presence gives our days meaning. If all we do is chase goals, life becomes a race. If all we do is float, we may lose momentum. But when we build and breathe, when we strive and savor, something powerful happens—we feel whole.

So here’s your gentle reminder: Don’t just live for life. Live in it. Let the outcomes be part of the picture, but not the whole story.

The best parts of life aren’t the goals we reach. They’re the moments we didn’t rush through to get there.